From the Mouths of the Widows...Forgiveness After Deep Hurt

Forgiveness is a word Christians say easily until you’re staring at the damage someone actually did. We pull up chairs around the table and get unfiltered about betrayal, abuse, family harm, and the kind of heartbreak that makes you build a steel wall around your heart just to survive. Some of us are widowed. Some of us carry pain from marriages and relationships that broke vows and broke trust. And all of us know what it’s like to want justice while still hearing Jesus call us to forgive.

We walk through Bible verses on forgiveness and healing, including Ephesians 4:26–27 and Colossians 3:13, and we talk about the difference between forgiving and going back. Boundaries matter. Trust has to be rebuilt. And God never asks you to keep stepping into toxicity just because someone is “family.” We also talk about what happens when you never get an apology, or when the person who hurt you is already gone, and why forgiveness is still for your freedom.

Along the way we share the raw, human side of anger, the long road of emotional healing, and how Scripture becomes a real weapon when memories keep replaying. If you’ve ever felt weary, burdened, guarded, or ashamed, we point you back to Jesus, the One who won’t reject your brokenness and can heal the rooms you’ve kept locked. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review then tell us: what are you still trying to forgive? (*Recorded 2/18/2026)

Ways to Give at www.m3mi.org...Thank you for your seed!  :)

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:12

Hey y'all, welcome to Simple Assembly Unfiltered. I'm your host, Sister Diana. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey today. Can we be real? Being a Christian is not always easy, but you are not alone. So grab you a drink, grab you a snack. Let's open the word and see what Jesus has to say today. Hey, welcome to Simple Disciple Ship Unfiltered. I'm your host, Sister Diana. So good to have you with us this evening. We're doing something that we've never done before. You know, we have over a hundred and some odd podcasts now. God's been real good to us, but this is something we've never done. We're around the table. We've got all the ladies here. Now that's normal because this is our tribe here. So we we've got Sister Joyce. Hello. Hello. And Ann. Hello. Sister Tammy. Hi. Sister Audia.

SPEAKER_06 1:11

Good evening.

SPEAKER_05 1:12

And Sister Helen.

SPEAKER_06 1:15

Hey.

SPEAKER_05 1:16

And Sister Sandy.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Hello.

SPEAKER_05 1:18

All right. So what I want to do, we we had a really wonderful time together last Wednesday night. Just the Lord came and he moved. And we just want to take a moment just to invite Holy Spirit to come and be with us right now, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:31

Because I never want to do a podcast where he's not invited and he's not present because then it's just words.

unknown 1:38

Yeah.

Widows Around The Table

SPEAKER_05 1:38

And it's just empty words. But I asked him just to come and minister in this moment. But we began to talk last time, last week, and we weren't doing podcasts. We were just together hanging out and the Lord just ministered. But we began to realize the Lord had showed me, He said, you know, if you look around at the ladies that you run with, that's y'all. And even in Richard, right? So Richard's not here. So realize that the majority of you are widowed. You're widowed, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:11

Meaning your husbands have passed away. And I'm just gonna ask real quick, we'll go around the table just to see how long it's been for you, sister Joyce. Three years. Your husband's name was Lauren. Lauren, and it's been three years. Yes. Okay, sister Ann?

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Tommy, and it's been it'll be eleven years in April.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

Eleven?

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

Really?

SPEAKER_06 2:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 2:35

All right, sister Audia.

SPEAKER_06 2:37

Phil. And it'll be eight years next month.

SPEAKER_05 2:41

Wow. Eight years. And sister Sandy.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Kirk. And he's been gone four years.

SPEAKER_05 2:53

Four years. And I remember Kirk because Kurt and I worked food pantry together. Really nice guy. And he was a very helpful guy. He was just somebody that if you said, hey, I need some help to do something, he'd be like, I couldn't do it for you. You know, he just had that laid back up. Well, didn't he?

SPEAKER_01 3:11

He was just a laid back kind of guy.

SPEAKER_05 3:14

And and he would come and help you do whatever. So good guy. And and I never did get to meet Lauren, I don't think. I think maybe he came to church.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

You started coming to rampin.

SPEAKER_05 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Right.

SPEAKER_05 3:26

2017.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

Right. That was right before we left.

SPEAKER_05 3:30

Yeah. I remember see I think I met him a few times, but he was sick.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

And so he was sick from about 20, before 2012.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

When his mom and dad passed away. And he was sick then with AFIP back in 2006. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:52

He had been sick a long time. Very long. Yeah. And then I never met Brother Tommy. Yeah, it is funny to say brother because I know you're going, yeah, he would never he was never a brother. Tommy the big uh fire chief guy, right? So he just, you know. So never I never got to meet him. And I think I met Phil a couple of times at Round Pen 2. Uh that y'all had come. He had come. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 4:22

Right after his heart transplant.

Why Forgiveness Feels Impossible

SPEAKER_05 4:24

Yeah. And I remember I think because on Sundays I would walk around, shake people's hand, and so I think I'm I got to meet y'all a couple of times before then. But then and Sister Sandy, like I said, you're yours, he was just a friendly guy. He'd help everybody and was involved in everything. So so tonight, you know, we get we start talking about this and we start talking about forgiveness. Because what the Lord had begun to sho to show as we were together last week was that the hardest thing to do in our lifetime as humans is to forgive people, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

And even though scripture is very adamant that that's what we should do, right? We have to. And the Lord's like the same measure in which you forgive, you are forgiven. Right? The same measure. So think of that.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:23

What's that? What image comes to your mind in when I say same measure?

SPEAKER_03 5:31

If you if you if I'm gonna forgive someone, they've usually done some they've usually done something terribly wrong. But does it have to be terrible or can it just be just it just didn't sit right with me? Right. Just being a punk. Yeah. Yeah, just being a punk. Yeah. And for me to forgive them, it sometimes it would be hard, but it it's gotten easier now to forgive. And if I forgive, then I expect them to forgive me back in return for feeling that way about because you know what scripture says that if you know that if somebody has aught against you, you're supposed to go to that person and try to resolve it, resolve the issue.

SPEAKER_05 6:19

Yeah. If you know that somebody has aught against you or you have aught against them, you're supposed to go. Either way. Either way. And sometimes that's the hardest thing in the world because we just want to throat punch somebody. I mean, because it doesn't it doesn't take away our feelings because we're Christians, right? No, our humanists, you know, are watching the storybook, right? Our flesh side. Our flesh side is like our flesh side, you know, when it I just said, you know, uh put the claw on them or something, but yeah, but our hu our our Christian side, the Lord gives the scriptures to do that. So I've asked everybody to pull up some scriptures, and I want us to just read because I want us to look into this and and kind of delve into this just a little bit. And if you've got some things you want to comment, just speak up, okay? But we know that forgiveness is a vital part of healing. In order that we be healed of the pain and of the hurt, we have to choose forgiveness.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Right?

Forgiveness Without Returning To Toxicity

SPEAKER_05 7:29

It's a choice, right? Yes, regardless of what's been done to us, what's been said to us, what's been what actions were taken against us, we still have to choose to forgive. Now, forgiveness does not mean we have to go back into that same situation. No, especially if it's something that caused us a great deal of pain. If in and one of the things that people say all the time is, you know, you have to forgive your family because their blood and and all that. But let me just tell you this God does not intend you to go into toxic situations over and over and over because you share the same blood. You can choose to forgive a person, but you also can choose to not go into that environment over and over and over again, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:20

Right.

SPEAKER_05 8:21

If you've done all that you can do, right, to try to make amends, to to try to even out whatever the issue is, and it's still not working, then you sometimes had to remove yourself from that, just for your own sanity's sake, right? Now, a lot of people like I remember in the old days, my grandmother and then was like, blood's thicker than water, and you know, your uncle that's so rude to you, and blah, blah, blah, you know, or my grandfather, you know, he was, you know, he just wasn't a kind person. It was you ever had like somebody in your family was like a creepy old guy? In my family, my grandfather was that on on my dad's dad, because I didn't really know him because he was an alcoholic. And and I'm just kind of sharing with y'all that but I remember I only saw him a couple of times in my life, and I remember when my great-grandmother passed away, he came to the funeral, and I had probably that's probably the second time I ever saw him in my whole life. And he hugged me, and when he hugged me, I was probably like 12 or 13, and I remember thinking, that's creepy. It wasn't like your papa hugs you, you know, and loves you, like my other papa would be, you know. Yeah, it was creepy, and it was just, and I was like, ugh. And so it wasn't something like when he passed away, everybody was like, You need to come to your grandfather's funeral. And I was like, why? You know, and so my dad was like, Would you go? You know, because they were in Florida. And I was like, and my dad had just gone through prostate cancer. And so I was like, you know. So I go to represent the family, and and I remember thinking, I'm going here, not because I've got any emotion toward him at all, you know. I don't I didn't hate him or nothing. I just didn't have any connection to him. But I went out of reverence because of who he was, you know, because he was the patriarch. If it hadn't wasn't for him, you know, there wouldn't have been any uh the woodalls, right? So um so anyway, there's that time where you just have to, even if it's blood, you're like, I I just don't feel like I that's gonna add to my life at all, you know. And so you remove yourself. Anybody ever been in that situation? Yeah, Joyce? Yeah, you want to share?

Family Trauma And Long Healing

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Um I have Yeah. I have an uncle that really hurt me. And every time he would hug me before he did what he did, he it would feel No, you don't have to share what you don't want to share, but if you want to share, you can share whatever you want to share. But it felt like you said, creepy. Yeah, it's creepy. And as he got older, he and I got older, he would linger or everybody in the family knew he wasn't good. But but they still put you in that situation, they still put me in that situation and I couldn't get out of it. And I told my parents and it took 28 years for them to believe me that it happened. But I recently found out that if my dad had known back then and truly knew what would happen, my uncle would not be alive.

SPEAKER_05 12:12

And everybody around the table knows your dad that he just recently passed, right? Yes. I can honestly say I think he would have been castrated. Just knowing just knowing your dad, you know, your dad, yeah. He would have been a he would have been uh went from a rooster to a hen really quick, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Right, yes, um, yes, yes, but that creepiness felt weird, yeah. It was like Satan is here, but I don't know what to do, yeah. But it took me 35 years to forgive him, and as soon as I forgave him and another uncle or something, God said, give it to me and I'll invoke my own revenge and avenge. Because he's a vindicator, right? He's the vindicator. And as soon as I did that, the one that really hurt me went to prison for seven years. He got out on a technicality, but he can't leave the state of Kansas. He still has another charge, two charges against him up there. But the other one died of Alzheimer's and dementia. So So how so how what was the process of your forgiveness though? I kept I'm gonna be blunt, I kept trying to commit suicide, yeah, and I kept going into the mental hospitals, but it felt empty. I felt empty. Yeah, I couldn't have the kind of relationship with my husband as I could. That you wanted. That I wanted, and I constantly earned urged to have the love that I wanted so badly from my family. And I felt empty. Yeah. Because you were searching for that, and you couldn't, you couldn't find that. There was that void there the whole time. There was a whole void. And then I got a hold of Pastor Toby's CDs on forgiveness. Yeah. And I was listening to them, and it was like seven or eight CDs, and I still have them today.

Anger Without Sin And Real Stories

SPEAKER_05 14:54

Because sometimes you just gotta the remember we talked about is when when you're trying to go through healing and and emotional trauma and all that stuff, is that you have to get into the word. Scripture is the thing that brings healing. Scripture is it's it's a living thing that God has left us. Jesus is the word, right? And we use the scripture to bring healing in those areas, especially in our emotions. So we're gonna talk about that. Would you go and read? I had you pull up Ephesians 4 26, 27. Yes, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

This is out of the New King James Version. Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. So, what do you think that means? In other words, you can be angry, but you can't sin.

SPEAKER_05 15:58

Like what what what what crosses the line when you act on that anger? Yeah, can anybody want to testify of where they crossed the line in anger? Wanna be honest and share? I literally ran over somebody with my car one time. I really did. Of course you did. I really did. I broke some gases. You did? Anybody else want to share what you did when you got too angry?

SPEAKER_06 16:28

I held a meat cleaver to someone's throat. Yay! I knacked on it, but I held it there to make my point.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

So, okay, so you have to know people that are listening that don't know Sister Audio. She's like all of maybe what five four eleven. So she's holding a meat cleaver to someone. Okay, I know not to make her angry, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Well, I ain't got anything.

SPEAKER_05 16:58

Well, my husband.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

I'm gonna start locking my door tonight. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Um Lorne, my husband, who passed. He knows what a can of peaches upside his head feels like.

SPEAKER_05 17:11

Oh I threw them at him. Was it that 16 ounce or the 32? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 17:22

And I was enraged. I bet. Well, that was me too.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

I was just I never physically hurt anyone, but in my first relationship.

SPEAKER_05 17:37

Yeah.

unknown 17:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

My guy at that time. We had been together for seven years. And I thought we were going to last. And everything. And come to find out. Come to find out. It's never a good phrase.

SPEAKER_05 18:13

Is that anyone? Y'all never heard people from the South if we say, but come to find out.

SPEAKER_06 18:19

Bless his heart.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

No, this wasn't bless his heart.

SPEAKER_05 18:23

I wanted to yank it out.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Yank his yeah. Yes. Okay. I wanted to yank that out.

SPEAKER_05 18:30

No.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

And it was, I got home first, and I checked the answering machine, which is what I always did.

SPEAKER_05 18:44

See, there's a whole generation that will never understand an answer machine.

Betrayal Breaks Trust With Everyone

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Yeah. So, and there was a message on there for a floral delivery. Well, it was around Valentine's days, and I just called the florist and I said, Y'all said you couldn't deliver the flowers. I just wanted to check the address.

SPEAKER_05 19:13

And so I gave that's an innocent thing, right? I want to make sure because you couldn't deliver it that you got my address right.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

And she says, No, ma'am, that's not the address we have. And I was just like, Oh, okay. Thank you very much. And about 15 minutes later, in walks Larry.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

I'm married to a Larry.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

And I told him about the answering machine that there was a message on it from the florist that the flowers couldn't be delivered for whatever reason. And he just turned on me like he said, Well, the flowers weren't for you. And I said, No, shh, no kidding. And I and it wasn't it wasn't his mama and no, no, no, it was the girl that was a receptionist up where he worked. You know, them receptionists, you know, nine to five. Yeah. And he finally decided he was going to, we had our words, and then he proceeded to get a place and he was moving out his stuff. And I remember telling him before he took his last load out. I said, I never thought you would stoop this low. I said, I knew you got the seven-year itch, but I never thought it would happen with me.

SPEAKER_05 21:14

You know, here's the thing is it's such a shock, isn't it? It's like sometimes it's just such a shock that you're like, you're like, is this really happening? You know, am I being punked? Or like, is this really happening? And it and it's like in slow motion.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

And I don't remember what words I said. I can imagine. We don't have to say them on here. We don't, we don't have to say them on here, but whatever I said brought him to tears.

SPEAKER_05 21:46

You know, something I always tell my boys when they when when they would have all their little girlfriends and stuff, I said, the rule that I want to teach you as a young man before you become an older man is always finish one thing. Before you start the next. If you're done with somebody, why don't you just be honest and say you're done? Say la V, be done, and then move on to the next thing. Because now we sit around with the table of women who have gone through these hurts. Anybody else want to share a story? Audio, you got something? I know you got a thought. Can you say it without the words that were used, right?

SPEAKER_06 22:27

Yeah. I just I think the hardest thing is that when someone makes a promise to you, and they break it. Yes. And that's the one promise you asked them to make. And that was the promise they broke. Yeah. It just destroys every bit of trust, respect. And it's not just against you never thought they would be that person.

SPEAKER_05 23:03

But what people don't understand, it's not just against that person. Then you have that against humanity.

SPEAKER_06 23:09

Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 23:11

Like this wall comes up. I mean, you can feel it happen too. It's like all of your f you're you're living this free, fancy, free life, and then all of a sudden, then in one second, your whole world changes.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:24

And I hope people can understand this. And all of a sudden, you feel, you physically feel like a fortification wall comes up over your heart and nobody's ever going to touch it again.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

Right? Am I right? Yeah, yes. Very quick. You don't all you don't just build a brick wall, you put up a steel wall. No, it's like it's it's like fortified.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

It's like I'm dang and double dang, ain't nobody getting over here.

SPEAKER_05 23:50

You know, that's never gonna happen to me again. That's that's really the mindset of women, is that, you know, once we get hurt like that, right? It's like nobody's ever gonna have the opportunity to do that again.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Right.

Bringing A Contrite Heart To God

SPEAKER_05 24:04

And so then we have to go through these stages, you know, we weren't all Christians all the time, but now we're Christians, and so now we're trying to learn to deal with those past hurts, right? Yeah, we know that we gotta go and have some deliverance from it. We know we gotta go deal with those emotions, and that's what's the things we were talking about last week. Who's got the next verse? Let's look at that.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

I do. Go ahead. Colossians 3 19. Yeah. Well, it's Colossians 3. 3 13. 13. Yeah, 3.13.

unknown 24:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Isn't that hard? It is hard.

SPEAKER_05 24:57

That's a hard word because just like the Lord forgave you, you must forgive others. And so I think about, but they, you know, as kids, you know, we're just like little kids. But they did this, and I ain't never done that. I wouldn't never do anything like that to anybody. So it's a different kind of hurt, you know. So like we're trying to to negotiate with the Lord of what we should be able to forgive or not forgive.

SPEAKER_06 25:21

Right? Yeah. And you know, sometimes too, when a when a trust is broken or somebody comes against you for whatever reason, it in a way just a part of your self-esteem just starts to crumble. It really does. And you start to think, what did I do?

SPEAKER_04 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:42

What did I do wrong?

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Right.

SPEAKER_06 25:44

What did I do wrong? And and in in the truth, the matter is, you probably didn't do anything wrong.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

No.

SPEAKER_05 25:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:53

Yeah. And sometimes you do, not always. You know, we're not always that innocent. But sometimes it really is that you didn't have anything to do.

SPEAKER_06 26:03

Yeah. Justify what was done to you.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Well, it's like there's no justification for it's like you said, you know, a promise was made. Vows were taken. Vows are taken. Yes, vows are taken. And to not live up to those vows is like just a slap in the Lord's face. Yeah. And and that's kind of the way I felt when my kids call me and say, Mom, dad's seeing someone. To have my kids tell me that. And I'm like, dude.

SPEAKER_05 26:45

Because you're out working. Yeah. You know, you're working your crazy EMT job, right? Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

And I'm like, okay, I'll deal with this when I get off work in the morning. And I was up all night long thinking about all of what's going on, why, why did he do that? Why didn't I see it? And did I see it and ignore it?

SPEAKER_05 27:14

So because sometimes you see things you don't want to see.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Right? Ever been there? Oh yeah. Amen. Well, we were passing each other on the highway. He was going in to work and I was coming out. And I just kept driving, and and he he called me and he says, Are you gonna pull over? And I said, Do I need to? Yeah. I said, why do I need to pull over? I said, I'll pull over. If you want to have it out right here on the side of the road, we will. So we did.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

I know what it did to me was. I put up so many barriers. I couldn't feel a friendship.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

I totally isolated myself because you felt like everybody was out to hurt you. Yes. For one reason or another. They're all out there to hurt you. And unfortunately, sometimes God falls into that category. You don't want to let him in because you're afraid he's gonna hurt you. Right. Right. Right. But it's not He does He's not gonna hurt us. But then we only know, and I know that He's not going to. Once you start forgiving. Yeah. And once I forgave Him. Yeah, once you start forgiving those that have hurt you, then you start to feel that wall crumble down. Yes. And then you start realizing the things that they don't matter.

SPEAKER_05 29:07

Yeah. So let's see what scripture has to say about that. Audio, go to uh Psalm, what did I tell you, 5117?

SPEAKER_06 29:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 29:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 29:16

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. These, oh God, you will not despise.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

You will not despise. We bring him our brokenness. Yes. We bring him all of the pieces, however minute they are. Yeah. And we place them in his hands. And it says he'll never turn us away. Isn't that amazing? Yeah. Because honestly, because can we say this? When you go through that type of hurt, like each one of us are talking about, when you take that into the next relationship, it's hard. You're starting out on the wrong foot already because you're truly not giving that person your whole self. They're gonna get the fragment that you allow them to have. And I remember, you know, I had that to my second marriage that was like I called my mom on my honeymoon and told her this isn't gonna work. That's a true story that really did happen. And yeah, and I remember when I began to pray the Lord, why did you let this happen? He's like, I didn't, you didn't even ask me about it, you know. And I was like, Oh, you know, and and then I came to the realization because of what husband number one had done, I wasn't prepared to be anybody's wife. I I didn't have anything to give because I was still dealing with the hurt of the first one.

SPEAKER_03 30:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:45

Because remember, I married the first one, we were together 13 days, and I found out he was a heroin addict. Yeah. Then he came back five years later. I let him come back when Casey's five, and that was five months of just hell on earth. And so I'm still reeling from that when I go into the next one within a few months, and and and came to realization. I couldn't, I'm in no position to be anybody's wife or to make any commitments to anyone because I'm still a broken person. Yeah. And and that really is what it is, is where where the Lord is taking us right now. We all work in ministry. We all have some form of ministry that we're doing that we pour into other people. Yet we've got to go through healing in order to be able to do that in the most effective way. Why? Because we can't give anything to anybody without having something to give. Okay. That's right. Right. And so the Lord's dealing with us, and I know that there are people who are listening that's been through stuff just like this.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Yeah.

Forgiving Without An Apology

SPEAKER_05 31:49

And I believe that the Lord's leading us into some type of deliverance, into some type of of healing, so that we can move forward with our lives. We have some more verses. Sandy, did I give you Matthew 11 28? Yes, you did. Yeah. Read that.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Come to me, all who are weary and heavily burdened. Yeah. And I will give you rest.

SPEAKER_05 32:16

Yeah. Yeah. So come to me. And so can we be honest around the table? And we talked about this last Wednesday. How many of you are still carrying some of those burdens from some of the hurt of your past? Be honest. Show of hands. Show of hands. Yeah, we're around the table. There's there's everybody around the table still has some part that's lingering inside from those type of hurts. Because people that you made vows to before God did this pain to you, you know, and and and you just have not forgiven, you know. I thought that I had really dealt with my relationship with Mike, you know, because you know, I've been in ministry now for for a good period of time. And so I thought I had dealt with all of that, but he passed away recently. What three or four months ago? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:13

And and it really grew I felt something inside of me. And I thought, well, why do I feel anything for him? Because he died a really lonely, hard death. And and I kept thinking, just as my nature, what could I have done to help him? What if I had reached out to him? Because you know what's funny is when he passed away, like right the next week, I got a friend request on Facebook from him, and I thought, I didn't even know he had a Facebook. Right? Because after that five, after after, you know, then that second time, I would, you know, I saw him at Casey's graduation, but then after that, there was nothing, there was no contact. And but inside, inside of me, there was something still that had a piece there.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:06

And until I dealt with that, and and I had to let that out. I had to, it was God. I was like, I thought I had already taken care of that, you know. And I was like, well, apparently not, because then I'm, you know, bawling and squalling, and and I had to, you know, choose to forgive. And because you you keep the memories, you know, you're trying to forgive, but the memories keep reminding you of the phone calls from the girlfriends and the you know all these things that happen, and you're going, oh my gosh, you know, I don't care nothing about that. But then you're inside subconsciously, we hold on to those things. Yeah. And so I want us to look at a couple of of other verses, Psalm 86 and 5. Uh Audie, why don't you go over there? Because you're in Psalm already.

unknown 34:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 34:52

And this is helping us to reflect on how God can forgive, show forgiveness to us.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

I know that if I hadn't have forgave them, yeah, I would not have been healed.

SPEAKER_05 35:08

Yeah. I mean, because you would you would have lost your mind a long time ago. I mean, right? I would have. And that's what I want to encourage people is if if unforgiveness is in your heart towards someone, let it go, not for that person, but for you.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:26

Because forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is between you and God, and even if that person never says, I'm sorry, they didn't. That's what I'm saying. That that's where we are. Because a lot of this pain is from people that they're already past.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:44

You're not ever gonna get that.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

My mom did say she was sorry, and so did my dad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:49

But what if you don't get that?

SPEAKER_02 35:52

I didn't on the two others, but I know that they got their just desserts.

unknown 36:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Dessert.

A Letter Of Repentance Decades Later

SPEAKER_06 36:03

That's a southern thing for they got their stuff, yeah. I would say too that my first husband, it was a very bad, I mean, bad marriage, and abuse. It was abusive, a lot of abuse, physical abuse. And to the point that I mean, I carried a still carried a lot of anger towards it. I know y'all were going to on a trip to Tennessee, and though he didn't know where I was, I knew where he was. He was like, I'm not going to that town because I might run into that person right there. In fact, I said when y'all go there, if you would go by this place and ask for him and just throat punch him and tell him I said hi. In not a kind way. In not a kind way. But I guess it was a little over a year ago. Yeah. I got a letter in the mail from him. And I thought, I didn't even find out what my because my last name had changed. So I didn't know how he found me, but he did. And he wrote me this really long letter about how he had come to the realization of all the things he had done, the alcoholism, the the abuse, and what he did to me and to Scott, and who was our son, and said, I've I've come to God, I've come back to God, and I need to ask for your forgiveness. And that just hit me like a brick wall. Yeah. I mean, it did. It could you could have knocked me over.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 37:52

I sat there for a long time rereading that, going, wow. You know, he came.

SPEAKER_05 37:59

Because how many, how many years forward are we by the time you get the letter from the time that you finally escaped that?

SPEAKER_06 38:07

Probably about 45 years.

SPEAKER_05 38:10

45 years that you carry that pain. You know what I'm saying? That you carried that. And so that's what we're talking about is how as Christians now, right? Right. How God is trying to heal these wounds that we're going to. Did you read the psalm? Not yet. Read the Psalm 86 and 5.

SPEAKER_06 38:33

And I want you go over to for you, Lord, are good and ready to forgive and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon you.

SPEAKER_05 38:43

Yeah. You're a forgiving, you're good, you're abounding in love to all who call upon you. He is, isn't he? And here's the thing is because I think, you know, maybe it's just me, but I you know how you do when you're negotiating with the Lord about things. Okay. I don't think I should have to forgive him because I never did anything that bad to anybody else. Yeah. Right? So I'm trying to like equalize the forgiveness. Am I right? Yeah. To say, well, why give that's worse than what I ever did to anybody, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:17

That was the hardest thing to get over because I was like, I didn't do nothing.

SPEAKER_05 39:24

Right. I didn't do that. And you know, I didn't deserve that. And and so I'm trying to with the Lord wrestle and say, but he did extra bad. You should smite him, you know.

Scripture As The Tool For Healing

SPEAKER_06 39:35

You know, he was extra, you know. And I think it took a lot for him to come to Dallas. He did. He came for for him to come to Dallas and not only physically come into a room and ask my forgiveness and apologize to me, but he apologized to Scott.

SPEAKER_04 39:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 39:56

And that was that was the one thing I really wanted. I wanted him to apologize to to my son. Yeah. And you know, Scott was like, well, you really screwed up. You know, I mean, really, but for Scott to say, I can forgive you, you know, because that was a long time ago and I'm over it. And I thought, how, you know, my son was much more and I was gracious, and I did. I came to that point then that I can say, I can now forgive you because I know that you truly deserve forgiveness. And that you're not the same person that you were when we got married.

SPEAKER_05 40:46

But what if they don't deserve it?

SPEAKER_06 40:50

You have to do it anyway.

SPEAKER_05 40:52

Well, that's the point. I mean, in our mindset, it makes it easier if we can say, okay, they deserve it. I'm gonna forgive them. And then to say if they never asked for forgiveness, they never thought they did anything wrong, they never, there was never any repercussions for what they did. How then do we forgive?

SPEAKER_03 41:16

I think everybody deserves forgiveness. Now they do they? Whether they do or not, we still need to be the we still need the bigger person. Right. You need the more, yeah, to get the freedom.

SPEAKER_06 41:31

It's very freeing. Yeah. Especially when you can't go to that person because they're no longer here. That's the point. That's the point. Yeah. And you can honestly say, you know, it took a lot for me to pray for that forgiveness for to to forgive that person. And to say, you know, the most the the thing I started out with was God please, because I would play all these scenarios in my mind that I coulda, woulda, wished I'd said. Yeah. You know, and and finally, I and it was driving me crazy. Yeah. I mean, it was really if it was eating at me like you know, that that anger and and and that pain was just eating at me. And finally, I just had to to get on my face and say, God, please take this away. Please take this away. And he said, You've got to forgive. And then the pain will go. Yeah. And it was like when I did that, it was like, and every once in a while, a little thought, and I went, not today, Satan. I've already dealt with that. Turn to the blood.

SPEAKER_01 42:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:50

All right, Joyce, why don't you read that? Romans 6, 22, 23 for us.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

That's gonna wrap up. All right. But now, having been set free from sin and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness and the end, everything, life, for then, for the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

SPEAKER_05 43:27

Yeah. So I love that. So what Paul is saying here to the Romans is he's saying, but you're now you're free. Speaking to the Roman church, right? Church in Rome.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:38

And he's saying, so you're not who you used to be. No. Now you're free. The Lord has given you, brought you freedom from, and you're free from what? The power of sin, and you have become his slaves, slaves to God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. Now you have the

Armor Of God And Unforgiveness

SPEAKER_03 44:00

ability see before when we went through that pain we didn't have the ability to forgive we couldn't we couldn't we could with our mouth maybe say that we could even think that maybe we could forgive someone but down deep inside we didn't have the ability to do it it takes his his forgiveness through us for a person right because he's our vindicator I'll look at one more two more if you will first peter one twenty four can somebody run over there and you can use your tabs and thank you because we're not doing Bible drill and what's the other one and go to uh Proverbs 99 1 and 24 it is first peter 1 24 so now we're talking about embracing healing and embracing the freedom go ahead because all flesh is as grass and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass the grass withers and its flower falls away but the word of the Lord endures forever. Endures forever the word endures forever.

SPEAKER_05 45:18

So I mean we're talking about when I've got this pain of free of unforgiveness or if I've got these emotions that are just unhealed that are just you know but they keep rising up in here go to the scripture get your scripture out there and pull up scriptures on healing for whatever it is. Right. Healing for this I need healing in my emotions I need healing I'm feeling depressed today. Get some scriptures about depression give whatever it is that you're dealing with that's your that is your sword right you have to wield the sword we talked about this we talked about the whole armor of God his armor we haven't we need to do a podcast on that but if we can't wield that sword of the spirit without knowing the word of God without opening it and reading it and applying it to that situation.

SPEAKER_06 46:11

That's where the healing comes in yeah yes it's the only way it's the only way our audience Proverbs 99 give instruction to a wise man and he will still and he will still wiser teach a just man and he will increase in learning.

SPEAKER_03 46:32

Yeah so in in this scripture over here it says teach the righteous and they will learn even more why because when we pray we ask God give us wisdom not just wisdom your wisdom yeah your understanding show us your ways yeah if we're gonna wear his armor then we've got to use it the right way right right we've right so we can't put on armor on on unforgiveness no no why why can't you put it on unforgiveness because it wouldn't be think of the pieces think of the pieces that you put on so you've got the the breastplate of righteousness.

SPEAKER_05 47:17

What is righteousness well it's forgiveness it's right standing right standing and I can be in right standing with God if I'm harboring unforgiveness.

SPEAKER_03 47:27

Right you can't it's not who he is and then and you have the belt of truth yeah so if you're not being honest honest with yourself yeah you're not gonna be honest with God.

SPEAKER_06 47:40

Yeah and if you shod yourself with the shoes of of peace you you're never gonna have peace you're never going to have peace when you have unforgiveness the helmet of salvation.

Let Jesus Into The Locked Room

Invitation To Salvation And Closing

SPEAKER_05 47:55

Yeah so we have our salvation it's pretty secure right unless we take it off it gets a little wiggly why because we start feeling unworthy right yeah and sometimes we take it off because we're feeling unworthiness we're gonna have to do a whole well maybe next Wednesday maybe next Wednesday we'll do the whole armor of God series but but I want to encourage you if you're if you're dealing with unforgiveness just like every single person around this table said they had dealt with unforgiveness and every single person around the table said they know that there's still some things they need to deal with these are people in ministry these are people that have been in in going to church for many years who've been serving the Lord for many years yet they still have they know they've got things they've got to deal with so everybody that's listening today you're not alone this walk as a Christian like our promo in the beginning says you're not in this journey alone we're here in this journey with you we've been right where you are we know what it feels like to be hurt like that where those walls come up and they're so fortified that nobody's getting in listen Jesus wants in there he wants you and we used to sing this song called My Heart is like a House it's an old song uh Steve and Annie Chapman did it way back in the day and it was said my heart is like a house one day I let the Savior in and there are many rooms that we would visit now and then but then one day he saw that door and I knew the day had come too soon and I said Jesus I'm not ready for us to visit in that room and the course was there's a place in my heart that even I wouldn't go I had some things hidden there I didn't want anyone to know but he handed me the key with tears of love on his face and he said I want to make you clean let me in your secret place that's the name of the song so there is that place where only he can bring the healing because the people that we that we still have unforgiveness they're gone and we can't ask him for forgiveness and even if they were here's still a lot of people they still wouldn't say they did anything wrong but he wants to do the healing give him the key give him the key and unlock those doors and unlock those walls and let the walls come down because he is never going to leave you or forsake you he's never gonna abandon you he's never gonna reject you he's never gonna say ugly things to you he's never gonna say bad things about you he's never gonna tear you down right yeah he's not he's not ever going to be all those bad things that happen to you he's the opposite of that's right yeah and you can trust him yes and that's all it is that's all God am I gonna trust you even though I don't find anyone else trustworthy he's the perfect he is he is and he's gonna be your vindicator for all those just let it go he deals with those that's his children right yeah but but he wants to heal those broken even the little tiniest of pieces he wants to heal you you know I'm just gonna leave you with this word today we got to go we've already been almost an hour in this but um and we could probably go on and on and on but because there's just so much of that that we've all experienced around this table and and so you're not alone and and I just want to say if you even if you don't know who Jesus is and you're saying that you want to forgive the person that did that to you but you don't know who Jesus is listen Jesus is awesome Jesus is the one who came God came and wrapped himself in flesh John 1 and 1 and he came as a baby in a manger yeah and he lived and he died and he was persecuted and he took all those sins upon himself as the perfect spotless lamb because the Bible said he was without sin. I promise you he never hurt anybody there's nothing that anybody ever said there's no scripture anywhere there's no scroll anywhere that ever said Jesus did anything contrary to what we've read right there's no there's nothing that says he was actually he was a drunkard and actually he was this no there's nothing there's nothing found because there was nothing bad in him and and that's the Jesus that we're saying wants to come and live inside of you.

SPEAKER_03 52:48

Right.

SPEAKER_05 52:48

So all you have to do is just to to repent ask the Lord to forgive you of your sins your past your present those things you remember those things you don't remember and just ask him to come and live inside of you and then make a decision to make him Lord of your life that's what he wants and I'll tell you what he'll come in immediately he comes in and the Holy Spirit and he will dwell within you and he's gonna make the changes and he's gonna bring the healing you can't do it. That's his job. That's his job that's his job and so I want to thank you guys thank you for listening to us please like follow share go to the YouTube we've got podcasts and videos there that you can see and watch and we're gonna have a lot more videos coming up in the next few weeks as we get our new podcast room going. Thank you Sister Audia but anyway we want to leave you as our with our slogan every week to go show some love show some compassion give mercy and go be Jesus today hey SDU family if you have enjoyed this podcast today would you please like follow and share our podcast link and we would love to hear your feedback and your podcast topic suggestions. To do that simply go to our website at www.m3mi.org scroll to the more tab and select contact us also if STU has been a blessing to you you can also go to our website and select sow a seed there are several ways that you can give whether it's Zel, Venmo, Cash App, or if there's an address to send a check or money order. All your gifts are tax deductible and we thank you so much for sowing your seed with us. I want you to remember this a wise person once said that a person has given you their time they have given you their most precious gift because they can never ever get it back. Thank you for sharing this day with me. We love you we'll see you soon